Tomorrow I finally get my love bug back from her 2 week summer visitation with her dad. While I'm glad she gets to spend some time with him, and they went on a trip to Maine and she seems to have had fun, I can honestly say, I do NOT feel like I get a "nice break" while she's gone. Abby is my only child. I have no siblings. And I haven't seen my biological mother since I was 2. Becoming a mom to a little girl has been very therapeutic to my soul and taught me the natural bonds between a mother and her child. My bond with my little girl is so intense that I feel empty and out of sorts, not quite myself with her gone. I don't like her being gone at all. Some other divorced moms enjoy the time, and I think that's quite alright. Nothing wrong with that at all. But for me personally, it's like severing something vital for me, and I feel off balance. The last two weeks I got a million projects done. Not because my hands were free, honestly Abby is very low maintenance and I could have easily got them done with her here, I just did them to keep myself busy while she was gone to pass the time.
halfway during her visit I picked her up for tea for about 45 minutes to hang out with her and we just sat there in the middle of the blue moon cafe with her on my lap crying because she missed me and wanted to come home. I felt sick bringing her back but I encouraged her to try to enjoy her visit out of state with her dad. When I left she stood on the edge of her grandmothers yard waving me to crying. I put my game face on for her but by time I was passing the neighbors house I was sobbing like a scene from Steel Magnolias. Two weeks was too much time away from each other for both of us. She told me it makes her feel sick to her stomach and she hates it and wants to do things differently next year, and considering visitation is supposed to benefit her, I really hope her dad will consider that and work something out that is easier on her emotions next year.
So what maybe I cleaned out closets and boxes and dresser drawers and under all the beds and dusting and moving photos and sorting through clothes and toys and books for donations etc. So what I cleaned out her fish tank and hand sanded my bedroom furniture and painted it and hung up paper lanterns and cleaned up the yard and re potted small plants outdoors all on top of my day job and 3 sessions and editing and being out of town myself for 2 nights and car repairs. So what. I miss my baby girl and I can't WAIT for her to come back home tomorrow. I feel like its the night before I pick someone up from the airport and I'm bouncing off the walls excited lol.
I feel like the other half of my heart is coming home tomorrow. Maybe because it is. <3
I took this photo while we went for tea in Saranac Lake at the Blue Moon Cafe. She seemed like she grew in only a week. My luck she'll come home tomorrow looking like a teenager lol haha. I shouldn't say things like that LOL <o.O>