Saturday, August 18, 2012

amazing story of cancer survivor...

I signed into my email to discover a sweet letter from a gal named Heather who has survived mesothelioma for 6 1/2  years! She shared her blog with me that details an incredible story of her journey and I was very touched by her zest for life. Thank you for contacting me Heather to share your story.

Go check out her BLOG guys to read more about her.... very eye opening!


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Dear Abby, I hope you won't hate me for this...

Dear Abby,

First let me say, you are an amazing, smart, witty, sweet, precious little girl, and I love you more than I love anything else. Even more than a warm fresh gooey browny topped with vanilla bean gelato and smuckers hot fudge and frozen whipped cream the week I ovulate.....

But you've been leaving your nice stuff ALL over the house, in the middle of the floor and no matter how many times I point to it and tell you to pick it and you say "ok.. one second".... YOU LEAVE IT THERE ANYWAY! If I step on one more lego so help me God..... so obviously my nagging isn't working... I've got another method. See hunny, I saw this thing going around on facebook and a friend of mine tried it and she says it works wonderfully..... Her kids stopped leaving their stuff on the floor and her house stays nice and clean and there is no yelling or nagging or grounding! I thought you'd like that part! So we're gonna try this...

I made something based on what the picture showed me.... and it's waiting for you when you get back from camping with Gramma & Papa and you've got 5 things in it already..... I'm anxious for you to learn responsibility with the great stuff people buy for you. Let's give it a shot!!

Love, Mommy

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Miscarriage. Lonely grief.

I came upon this blog as it was shared by a friend who understands the grief I have been through. I have lost 2 very wanted planned pregnancies. She makes a wonderful point and helps those who don't understand our pain have a little insight into our hearts. I commend her for her bravery in sharing this.

the blog

Friday, August 3, 2012

the countdown begins

not photography related.

Tomorrow I finally get my love bug back from her 2 week summer visitation with her dad. While I'm glad she gets to spend some time with him, and they went on a trip to Maine and she seems to have had fun, I can honestly say, I do NOT feel like I get a "nice break" while she's gone. Abby is my only child. I have no siblings. And I haven't seen my biological mother since I was 2. Becoming a mom to a little girl has been very therapeutic to my soul and taught me the natural bonds between a  mother and her child. My bond with my little girl is so intense that I feel empty and out of sorts, not quite myself with her gone. I don't like her being gone at all. Some other divorced moms enjoy the time, and I think that's quite alright. Nothing wrong with that at all. But for me personally, it's like severing something vital for me, and I feel off balance. The last two weeks I got a million projects done. Not because my hands were free, honestly Abby is very low maintenance and I could have easily got them done with her here, I just did them to keep myself busy while she was gone to pass the time.

halfway during her visit I picked her up for tea for about 45 minutes to hang out with her and we just sat there in the middle of the blue moon cafe with her on my lap crying because she missed me and wanted to come home. I felt sick bringing her back but I encouraged her to try to enjoy her visit out of state with her dad. When I left she stood on the edge of her grandmothers yard waving me to crying. I put my game face on for her but by time I was passing the neighbors house I was sobbing like a scene from Steel Magnolias. Two weeks was too much time away from each other for both of us. She told me it makes her feel sick to her stomach and she hates it and wants to do things differently next year, and considering visitation is supposed to benefit her, I really hope her dad will consider that and work something out that is easier on her emotions next year.

So what maybe I cleaned out closets and boxes and dresser drawers and under all the beds and dusting and moving photos and sorting through clothes and toys and books for donations etc. So what I cleaned out her fish tank and hand sanded my bedroom furniture and painted it and hung up paper lanterns and cleaned up the yard and re potted small plants outdoors all on top of my day job and 3 sessions and editing and being out of town myself for 2 nights and car repairs. So what. I miss my baby girl and I can't WAIT for her to come back home tomorrow. I feel like its the night before I pick someone up from the airport and I'm bouncing off the walls excited lol.

I feel like the other half of my heart is coming home tomorrow. Maybe because it is. <3


I took this photo while we went for tea in Saranac Lake at the Blue Moon Cafe. She seemed like she grew in only a week. My luck she'll come home tomorrow looking like a teenager lol haha. I shouldn't say things like that LOL <o.O>