This isn't photography related. But it's important to me to say what's on my mind to my younger friends and family members and I just figured my blog was a good place to organize my thoughts. I suppose maybe it's advice for young men as well if you want it to be.
I want to first state, that I absolutely understand how hard it is to take advice when you don't want to change your thoughts or feelings. I know. Because I have been you. I remember being you. I wish I had listened when I was given advice similiar to this. If I had a time machine, you better believe I'd change the past. A lot of it. And since your present will someday be your past, I hope you'll make the best of it and prepare for the future. Like I didn't!
My advice for you is mostly about relationships. I totally get that some of them last, even when you are young. I have several friends who have been coupled since high school and even junior high. But I want to emphasize how very rare this is, and how very hard it was for them to get to where they are today. The majority of young relationships are basically learning experiences. I have my fair share of past "learning experiences" myself. lol. So before you disregard what I'm going to say, I just want you to understand that I do get that you and whoever you are "in love" with, may still be together in 15-20 years. But most of ya won't. That's a fact. As someone who is divorced from my high school sweetheart who then had to spend time as a single mom (by the way I loved being single!).... I have a bit of a realistic outlook on life, because I have been there and done that.
First off... too all of you young women who I know and love who come to me crying about what guy broke your heart..... my first reaction is to tell you, I told you so. If you are still a teen or in your early 20's, why on Gods green earth are you trying to settle down? Do you not realize that at your age your freedom from relationships and responsibility is a GIFT!!!?? You have no idea who you will be in 10 years. Your personality will change, your opinions, your beliefs, your goals, etc.... Why don't you wait until you're a bit more settled down to get yourself tied down? You'll have more to offer in a relationship and if you wait, so will the guy you choose. I always joke and say men are useless until they are 30... I dont really mean that.. they aren't useless (ok some are!) but truthfully.... I dont think you're really grown up until you're about 30. This is coming from someone who was a divorced mom by the age of 26. I needed more time for myself that I foolishly did not take. Everyone who loved me warned me when I settled down young too that I was making a huge mistake that I would pay for later. Of course I assumed they were jerks, it was "my life" and I could do whatever I wanted and they needed to mind their own business and accept my decision and that everything would be fine. HAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH *deep breath* HHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAA!!!
I can not tell you how many times I have smacked myself in the forehead when I play the past over in my head and I remember the advice I was given that I did not pay heed to.
Anyway. Stop trying to settle down so darn fast. Be young. Avoid relationships on purpose even. Make great friends. Establish a career. Save some money for yourself. Go travel. Take care of yourself. If you meet a nice guy while you are young, tell him you are loving life as it is and you aren't interested in a relationship. If he's a good guy, that will totally make him like you more and he'll hang around and be your friend so he might be there when you DO decide you are ready. If not, whatever, trust me, another one will come along.
Secondly!!! STOP PUTTING OUT SO DAMN EASY! What is the MATTER WITH YOU GIRLS THESE DAYS!?!? Sheesh! Men have lost respect for us!!! Have you any respect for yourselves!?? I see so many of you walking around in the mall wearing things that make me embarrassed to accidently see you! And why the heck do you take skanky looking picture of yourselves in your bathroom mirrors bent over showing cleavage and making duck lips and plaster them all over the internet seeking sexual approval of the pigs around you?!?! Do you feel better about yourself when they approve of how you look in a slutty photo? Why do you want to appear "sexy" all the time? Can't you just be YOU!? I'm really trying to understand this. Is it the stuff on TV? Is it because you feel you are competing with other women for a mate? Because truthfully.... why the heck would you want a guy who seeks that anyway? Don't you girls realize when you dress like a hooker the average guy who is attracted to that is probably going to treat you like one? If you have to dress in skin tight clothes that leave little to the imagination... the good guys might actually be afraid of you, and the bad guys will chase after you. It may give you a rush and make you feel special for a few weeks, but it will eventually lead to heartache. Why not avoid that heartache altogether? Put some clothes on that fit you. If you still feel the painful "need" to be sexy... please try to keep in mind that sexy is always CLASSY. If there is no class it's just TRASH! Stop being so trashy! When you apply for jobs they look you up on facebook! What happens if someday you do meet a great guy who really IS a good catch and he sees those pics of you with other guys typing out their approval of your cleavage??? What happens if his MOM sees that crap and you were hoping to get in good with the possible future in laws!!!?? YIKES!!!!! oh, and if a guy pressures you for sex early on, quit calling him!!!!!!! :) IT IS OK TO SAY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :) It doesn't make you a bitch. It makes you smart. :) Better to be a bitch than be a wh*re, right?
AND thirdly..... if you do fall into that trap and get your heart stomped on, or even if you don't and you take things slowly and with more clothes on and no skanky facebook photos and get your heart stomped on, let me assure you, from the bottom of my heart that has survived several heartaches, you WILL recover. Not only will you recover, you will shine. And you WILL find someone better for you later. A broken heart doesn't equal an obstacle in life, it equals a stepping stone, and being dumped means you are one step CLOSER to your destiny! I have had my heart so broken I felt like I couldn't breathe and I was sick to my stomach. I felt depression that I thought would consume me. I am proud to say that I honestly do not give a flying flip about ANY guy from my past. Someday, you won't either! Go ahead and give yourself permission to stop caring about your heartache NOW. It'll be one of the best things you'll ever do for yourself.
But please dont take offense when I tell you, if you portray yourself as "sexy" and act the part and put out to a guy you aren't committed to, if he does you wrong and hurts your feelings, you totally deserve it. But if you hold your ground and are above all that trashiness and you get your heart broken, then at least you'll know you have your dignity in tact and he's a jerk. Trust me. That means something.
Guard your hearts girls. Stop running around trying to give your heart to every cute guy you see and crying when he rejects it or finds someone else. Set some standards! Keep them! Your heart and your body are sacred. Not toys!!! Trust me, the chase is half the fun ;) If he's worth it, he'll give you a good romantic chase you'll cherish in 20 years when you're still together. Find a man with the ability to make love to your mind, not just your body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someday you'll both be old farts and the mental stimulation will mean more to you than the compliments you get from your trashy facebook pictures. Someday, those pictures will embarrass you. Delete them now. Don't take anymore. Next time a guy says "wow you're hot" and stares at your chest or rear end..... be annoyed and walk away. No wait. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.